AN INTRODUCTION BY THE MADMAN FOR A FRIEND

I have a friend, many galaxies away within this solar system, We met through a transmission one day on a guerilla radio...
(Words to Prez {Pubic} Bush…we aren’t terrorists like you.We are renegades).
She is, well, I can say my ‘spiritual twin’, “The” friend I always wanted. One hell of a writer too, I became an instant fan of hers when I read the article she wrote for various publications…She PDFd me…she is funny, and serious at the same time, but I just love the satire in her works…
But I tell you this when she first mailed me her reviews for a magazine on Coldplay’s X&Y I was a tad annoyed coz I am of the opinion that it’s a very good album, and she almost wrote it off this planet …No offence Selma!!! Oh! She is a SHINODA Freak.
We share so many things in common that I sometimes think well she is my female version and I am her Male version… Maybe Computer programs aren’t the only one with versions after all 
Ours is a relationship that’s not entirely friendship, it’s something more than that, no way in hell a gal boy boring relationship, its more of a connection of the mind, its pure artistry, work of divinity in delicate hands of the gods. We are the force of creation…We are the renegades of our time which is NOW!
This is an Introduction for her to whomsoever reads this blog, coz we are gonna share this place to write off our views about whatever. To start things off, here is something that she wrote that made me sit up, Please note here I have to edit few lines in between, so go read on;
POTTY PARANOIA
-NICO-
“….Some of our sisters are apparently out to prove Darwin’s theory! If you are wondering whether the potty companies have started manufacturing potty seats with shoe soles imprints on them, the answer is a firm ‘no’. You might find it hilarious but I’ve seen women striking a monkey-like stance on the potty with their feet on the edges of the seat, desperately trying to maintain a balance – one wrong move and plop they go down in the piss pool! Believe me, I’ve seen you ladies doing that. How / when? Now that’s another story.
Now they tell me that the squat queens are a wee bit paranoid about resting their royal
Derrieres on the ‘hot’ seat. STD scare, y’know? But there is good news for the paranoid
ladies – medical experts say that it’s impossible to get infected even if you sit on the toilet seat right after someone with an STD [that’s sexually transmitted disease by the way, not subscribers trunk dialing] does coz the urine itself is sterile.
We can’t blame the ladies, can we? What with the potty seats liberally sprayed with that yellowish fluid. Awww… what do you do in there anyways - [and this question is aimed towards the human spray cans] - straddle the damn thing and jiggle?
And this, I assume, explains the Egyptian mummies standing in as dear ol’ potties. I’d heard about panty-liners but potty liners? This is the strategy adopted by those ladies who can’t do the ‘monkey’. So instead, they line up the seat with tissue paper before taking their seat. So much for the ‘save paper – save environment’ campaign!
Ladies, I hate to tell you this but it is totally obnoxious to do ‘it’ on the floor! My respects to the monkey strategists here. Well… I know a young lady who actually prefers the floor to the ‘throne’. Her explanation – someone’s told her that she might get pregnant! And pray how’s that going to happen? Well, during the act, if her piss bounces back mixed with stale piss that contains ahem… seminal fluid, it might just find its way into her vagina and impregnate her!! Haw haw haw…
Bathroom singers, all right, but loo smokers? Hate me for this, ladies, but you seem to be mistaking the ass-tray for an ashtray. Every time I walk into a public loo I freak out, y’know. The thought that those tiny white cylindrical stuff are staring up my ass while I’m at it, kinda unnerves me. I mean I must have watched The Matrix one time too many, particularly that scene where something wiggles its way into Neo’s navel, and I can’t bear the thought of that half-smoked lipstick-stained nico stick doing the same through my nether zones! Y’know it’s frustration big time when y’all go in there to ‘powder’ your nose and spend time out there what seems like an eternity to those waiting outside whose bladders are about to give in to the pressure. What do you think; you’re going to get spotted by a model scout anytime? Fat chance! Wait till my kidneys conk out and then I’m going to sue you for deliberate and malicious damage to my properties!
One last question before I leave – do you really think you’ll be abducted by aliens if you
enter a loo alone? Believe me, it’s damn irritating when you have to cross and uncross you legs and hold it while you two chirpy ladies decide to swap jokes and gossips there. And yes, it’s also not an ideal place to discuss with your best buddy your love life or lack of it. Other people also have to pee, you see? And the ultimate rule for the loo frequenters – please flush! I’m all for the freedom of bowel movement but it kinda turns my bowels inside out when, after a nice lunch or dinner, I come face to face with nice sized bombs you have left floating in the potty. So peeple, pee and let pee, y’know what I mean?”

(N>B: I have full authorization from the author of this article….So if anybody thinks of suing me…you –can- rot- in- hell)